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SEC week 6: Four Top 10 teams, two games, other cool things await

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Auburn's defense played well against LSU in its last outing, but will be tested by Arkansas' Tyler Wilson (Source: Todd Van Emst, AU athletics) Auburn's defense played well against LSU in its last outing, but will be tested by Arkansas' Tyler Wilson (Source: Todd Van Emst, AU athletics)
Texas A&M freshman QB Johnny Manziel brings his high-scoring offense to Ole Miss (Source: Texas A&M athletics) Texas A&M freshman QB Johnny Manziel brings his high-scoring offense to Ole Miss (Source: Texas A&M athletics)

(RNN) - We had to wait until Week 6 but finally, here's a first-rate weekend of SEC ball. We've got four Top 10 teams colliding, we have Auburn and Arkansas in a battle to retain a modicum of dignity, we've got a game Missouri might win, we've got Texas A&M with machetes and pith helmets slashing though the wilds of Mississippi and Mississippi State travels to Kentucky, where it will soon be basketball season.

Make sure the light and cable bills are paid, replenish the nacho supply and put the cell phone in the trunk of your car and lock it.

Arkansas at Auburn, Noon, ESPN/ESPN2

Arkansas has shown no visible signs of defense this year, but it remains to be seen if Auburn's wretched offense can do anything about it. Auburn's defense had a pretty good day two weeks ago against LSU with a big assist from LSU quarterback Zach Mettenberger, who gifted the Plainsmen with two fumbles. One at the AU 2, cost his team a touchdown and another at his own 16, set up an Auburn TD.

Arkansas' quarterback Tyler Wilson has been swell when he's well, but awesome running back Knile Davis has been a ghost of a trace of a pale imitation of himself.

 Here's what I think: if Davis gets his act together and produces a ground game to go with what we all know Wilson can do, and if the Hogs defense can provide at least token resistance, then Arkansas might finally get in the SEC win column.

 If not, Auburn will cover the 10-point spread and then some.

 Mississippi State at Kentucky, 12:21 p.m., SEC Network

This wins the Depressingest Game of the Week award. Kentucky makes me sad and I think it's because their coach, who always looks like his dog died, is named Joker. All I can think about is how maybe, long ago when he was a kid, that cute, little Phillips child was such a chubby-cheeked cutup one of his aunts, teachers or somebody nicknamed him "Joker."

And now, here he is, all grown up, punished by the world and time, doing all these postloss press conferences, and the bottom-third graphic says, "Kentucky coach Joker Phillips" under the image of a brokenhearted child grown old.

I need a tissue. Anybody?

Mississippi State coach Dan Mullen has done a good job and this team is as dangerous as a rattlesnake. They could upset Alabama or something, maybe, one of these days. It wouldn't surprise me.

But in this game, they'll just whomp on poor, old Joker's guys and he'll go all droopy on me, and I'm not even going to watch.

LSU at Florida, 3:30 p.m. CBS.

OK, now. This is what I am talking about.

Both teams ranked in the Top 10, Florida is becoming my new favorite team because they aren't that pretty at all. They just line up and mash. I am thunderstruck that the flippy-floppy girlymen of LSU are a favorite. Was it that big fourth quarter against Towson or throttling Auburn by a safety that won the oddsmakers' hearts?

 LSU once again has fielded a very fine football team without a quarterback in sight. This guy Zach Mettenberger, who we all thought would be at least average, has shaved his moustache in the hopes of firing up his offense. LSU has lost about two fumbles a game, and Zach the ‘Stache was a major contributor to that woeful statistic. LSU also gets penalties in bunches. This team. is. sooooo. frustrating.

And I want to know why would shaving your moustache cause you to make fewer turnovers? I think it won't work because Florida's defense is big and mean and does that punch and claw thing to footballs and probably doesn't pay a lot of attention to opposing quarterbacks' upper lips.

LSU's defense is excellent, as usual. The thing to pay attention to in this game is how LSU's defensive front, which is probably the best in the country, does against Florida's offensive front, which has been totally engaged so far. And that Mike Gillislee is a love factory running the ball.

LSU's defense better bring oxygen and refreshments, because boys, you need to throw a shutout if the mustache thing doesn't work.

Texas A&M at Ole Miss, 7 p.m., ESPNU

Now the challenge for Johnny Manziel and the rest of those Aggies is to see if they can wear Ole Miss out worse than Alabama did last week.

The Rebels played pretty well against Alabama, and it might have been a whole, different ball game if they hadn't given up an infinity-yard kickoff return and all those interceptions. But they did, and Alabama said here's some 33-14 for you on an off night.

 Georgia at South Carolina, 7 p.m., ESPN

You know who Georgia reminds me of a little bit? Auburn's national championship team in 2010. They tear up and down the field, they give up a lot of points but score more, you expect them to lose right up until they win and every week, they get a little better, in a really weird way.

There's no Cam Newton, only one of those is known to man.

South Carolina is mighty peculiar and keeps winning weird, too. I love their defense, which is giving up like, 11 points per game, and now, here comes Georgia with all those explosive running backs and ends and things. I just got a chill.

Marcus Lattimore, who's the best running back in the league, or not, depending on how his karma is that day, ran naked wild last week and brought the Gamecocks back from the brink of disgrace after trailing Kentucky at the half.

Meanwhile, Steve Spurrier needs a tissue. He's so upset about some sports writer at the local paper publishing mean things that he said he might just quit and move to the beach. Toughen up, Spur. Why don't you just buy the guy and have him mounted on your office wall, like a big mouth bass?

Vanderbilt at Missouri, 7 p.m., FSN

Just when it looked like things were looking up for Mizzou, with downtrodden Vanderbilt coming to town, there's bad news all up in the school paper, The Maneater.

The paper reported that freshman receivers Dorial Green-Beckham and Levi Copeland and freshman LB Torey Boozer were caught in a white Lincoln Navigator in the stadium parking lot in possession of some pot. They'll be suspended for the game,

It probably won't hurt too much. Green-Beckham was ranked as the best prep receiver in the nation last year, but he's managed just seven catches this year for 128 yards and a TD.

Quarterback James Franklin has been erratic and banged up this year and at times looked like he couldn't drop a football and hit the ground, which has something to do with DGB's single-digit reception total.

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